Letter 1
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This Appendix includes sixteen sample letters from two hypothetical parents, Mary Parent and Jane Smith. As you read about the purposes of letters in Chapter 23, refer to letters 1-6 from Mary Parent. Letters 7 through 16 from Jane Smith show you how to use letters to tell your side of the story. 2) VERY IMPORTANT! Add your name to the lifetime updates list by filling out your information below and clicking on the 'Click Here To Get On The Updates List' button. If you don't enter your info here, you will NOT receive your free lifetime updates.
We love our kids, but let's face it: parenting is harder than you ever thought it would be. Here are 5 Romantic Date Ideas for Parents to get you started. Get Together With Friends 'Social support is important to staying happy,' says Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author of '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do'. It doesn't matter if it's only to grab a cup of coffee.
We are happy to invite you to a 3 day workshop on proving liveness of infinite-state systems (aka 'Beyond Safety', or 'Progressing to Progress') to be held in the beautiful Schloss Ringberg (see http://www.rzg.mpg.de/ringberg-castle/), on April 25--28, 2004. An informal description of the workshop follows. We have restricted the number of participants to 25, to fit the length and the intended depth of the meeting. Consequently, we would appreciate if you can let us know whether you can attend in the next few days.
Hope to hear from you soon & Happy New Year!
Andreas, Bernhard, and Lenore
Letter 2
We are delighted that you will join us in the 'Beyond Safety' workshop. We will shortly send some practical information as well as tentative schedule for the first day. We set up a web page, http://www.cs.nyu.edu/acsys/beyond-safety that will contain updated information. There you can find:
- list of confirmed participants
- the 'Accellera report' (courtesy of Intel) that has a list of 70+ sample properties supplied by industry and their treatment in various methods. Some (although few) of these properties are 'pureiveness.' We will post a document that only contains those
- whatever else we think may be of interest
So you may want to occasionally check this site.
Meanwhile, we'd like to assemble a list of your opinions about 'What is liveness and what types of liveness properties (if any!) are important for software verification.' If you can send us a (<= 5 lines) Liveness Manifesto we will post it.
Looking forward to seeing you in April (if not before),
Andreas, Bernhard, and Lenore
Letter 3
We'd like to give you some update about the upcoming workshop. In this note you'll find
Updates On Parent Page Teach To Be Happy Birthday
- travel related information
- tentative program
Travel:
On the web-page (http://www.cs.nyu.edu/acsys/beyond-safety) there are directions how to get to Schloss Ringberg. If you send Lenore your (plane) arrival time it will be posted so you can coordinate travel. Andreas can assist with rental cars (MPI has special rates with EuroCar). If you arrive in Munich on Saturday (like the three organizers do), you can book a room in the Hotel Stephanie, in the nice, central Munich neighborhood 'Schwabing,' Trkenstr. 35, Tel +49 89 2881400, Fax +49 89 2814049; we pre-reserved a number of rooms until April 17 (please give the code name 'liveness' when you do the reservation). We have reserved a table in a nice restaurant for Saturday evening (nice, not Bavarian). Please tell us if you are interested. To find out about trains from Munich airport toTegernsee train station, you may use http://reiseauskunft.bahn.de/bin/query.exe/e.
Program:
We'll start on Sunday evening, with each of you getting a list of the 'Liveness Statement' made, and the names of the people who made them. ** YOU SHOULD THEREFORE SEND YOURS IF YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE SO ** You'll be asked to guess who made which statement. This could bequite hard since some people gave two (moreover, contradictory) statements! We will also go through the liveness properties in the AccelraDocument (posted on the web) and an termination example from a window device driver (given to us by Byron Cook).
On Monday and Tuesday we'll have 2 sessions each day -- morning and afternoon, and one on Wednesday. Sessions chairs will be appointed and they will invite participants for 'their' sessions. We will post information on the web page as it stabalizes. We are also planning a '5-minute madness session' one evening, discussion groups followed by summarizing presentations by the group leader (again, we'll post details as they are finalized) and panel discussions.
And, while preparing all this, we'd appreciate you suggestions andcomments.
See you in 2.5 weeks!
Andreas, Bernhard, and Lenore
Letter 4
After our mail of two days ago we got various responses which made usre-think the structure of the workshop -- instead of having 5 sessionscomposed by sessions chairs, we'd like each of you to let us knowwhether you'd like to
- present your work (emphasis on perspective on established work, rather than yesterday's new results, these will be presented in the evenings),
- participate in / organize a panel discussions (on liveness-related issues), or
- just be part of an active audience.Once we get your responses, we'll divide the presentors/panelists intosessions and make announcements accordingly.
Updates On Parent Page Teach To Be Happy Wishes
Andreas, Bernhard, & Lenore
For many parents, raising happy children is the holy grail of parenting success. But too often, we think happiness is about those fleeting moments of getting what you want. Lasting happiness is actually much more complicated, but much more rewarding. And yes, you can dramatically increase your child's chances of being happy, just by the way you raise him or her.
What makes a happy child who grows into a happy adult? Since happiness is a by-product of emotional health, this whole website is about helping you raise a happy child, from meeting your infant's need to be soothed, to helping your child develop optimism. But let's talk specifically about what makes humans happy.
The latest research on happiness gives us surprising answers. Once survival, safety and basic comforts are assured, external circumstance doesn't affect our happiness level much. Our genes certainly contribute, but their affect can be ameliorated to ratchet up our happiness set points to a higher level. The largest determinant of our happiness turns out to be our own mental, emotional, and physical habits, which create the body chemistry that determines our happiness level.
We all know that some of us tend to be more upbeat than others. Part of this is inborn, just the fate of our genes that give us a happier mood. But much of our mood is habit.
It may seem odd to have happiness referred to as a habit. But it's likely that by the time we're adults, we have settled into the habit of often being happy, or the habit of being largely unhappy.
Happiness is closely linked to three kinds of habits:
- How we think and feel about the world, and therefore perceive our experiences.
- Certain actions or habits, such as regular exercise, eating healthfully, meditating, connecting with other people, even -- proven in study after study -- regularly smiling and laughing!
- Character traits such as self-control, industry, fairness, caring about others, citizenship, wisdom, courage, leadership, and honesty.
In practice, these character traits are just habits; tendencies to act in certain ways when confronted with certain kinds of situations. And certainly it makes sense that the more we exhibit these traits, the better our lives work, the better we feel about ourselves, and the more meaning we find in life -- so the happier we are.
Some of the habits that create happiness are visible, the ways Grandma told us we ought to live: work hard, value relationships with other people, keep our bodies healthy, manage our money responsibly, contribute to our community.
Others are more personal habits of self management that insulate us from unhappiness and create joy in our lives, such as managing our moods and cultivating optimism. But once we make such habits part of our lives, they become automatic and serve a protective function.
How can you help your child begin to develop the habits that lead to happiness?
1. Teach your child constructive mental habits that create happiness.
Managing our moods, positive self-talk, cultivating optimism, celebrating life, practicing gratitude, and appreciating our connected-ness to each other and the entire universe. Build these into your life together so you model them regularly, talk about using them, and your child will copy you.
2. Teach your child self-management routines that create happiness.
Regular exercise, healthy eating, and meditation are all highly correlated with happiness levels. But you and your child may have your own, more personal strategies; for many people music is an immediate mood lifter, for others a walk in nature always works.
3. Cultivate fun.
The old saying that laughter is the best medicine turns out to be true. The more we laugh, the happier we are! It actually changes our body chemistry. So the next time you and your child want to shake off the doldrums, how about a Marx brothers movie?
And here’s a wonderful tool: smiling makes us happier, even when we initially force it. The feedback from our facial muscles informs us that we’re happy, and immediately improves our mood. Not to mention the moods of those around us-- so that feedback loop uplifts everyone.
4. Model positive self- talk.
We all need a cheerleader to help us over life’s many hurdles. Who says we can’t be our own? In fact, who better? Research shows that happy people give themselves ongoing reassurance, acknowledgment, praise and pep talks. Talk to yourself like someone you love, aloud so your kids can hear you.
5. Cultivate optimism...
...it inoculates against unhappiness. It’s true that some of us are born more optimistic than others, but we can all cultivate it. Click here for 'How you can help your child become more Optimistic'.
6. Help your child find joy in everyday things.
Studies show that people who notice the small miracles of daily life, and allow themselves to be touched by them, are happier. Daily life overflows with joyful occurrences: The show of the setting sun, no less astonishing for its daily repetition. The warmth of connection with the man at the newsstand who recognizes you and your child. The joy of finding a new book by a favorite author at the library. A letter from Grandma. The first crocuses of spring.
As Albert Einstein said,
'There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.'
Children learn by our example what's important in life.
7. Support your child to prioritize relationships.
Research shows that people who are happiest have more people in their lives, and deeper relationships with those people. Teach your child that while relationships take work, they're worth it.
8. Help your child develop gratitude.
'We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.' -- Frederick Keonig
Many people think they can't be grateful until they're happy, meaning until they have something to be grateful for. But look closely and you'll find that it's the opposite: people are happy because they are grateful. People who describe themselves as consciously cultivating gratefulness are rated as happier by those who know them, as well as by themselves.
Children don’t have a context for life, so they don’t know whether they are lucky or unlucky, only that their friend Brendon has more expensive sneakers. But there are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted. (Hint: Think modeling, not lecturing).
9. Accept all emotions.
Life is full of joy, but even for the happiest person life is also full of loss and pain, and we have daily reasons to grieve, large and small. Acknowledging our sad feelings isn't focusing on the negative, it's opening ourselves to the full range of being human. Accepting those uncomfortable sad feelings actually deepens our ability to take joy in our lives.
So choosing to be happy doesn't mean repressing our feelings. It means acknowledging and honoring all our feelings, and letting ourselves feel them. That allows us to move through the feelings, so they start to dissolve.
With your child, simply empathizing with her upset feelings will allow her to feel them, and will help the feelings start to evaporate so she can move on. This is not a process that can be rushed, so give your child (or yourself) whatever time you need.
10. Help him learn how to manage his moods.
Most people don’t know that they can choose to let bad moods go and consciously change their moods. But practice in doing this can really make us happier. You can practice this by:
- Monitoring your own moods.
- Allowing yourself to feel the emotions while you hold yourself with love.
- Noticing any negative thoughts that are giving rise to the emotions. ('My child shouldn't be acting this way! He'll grow up to be a terrible person if he does this!')
- Choosing a thought that makes you feel a little better. (For instance, 'My child is acting like a child because he IS a child. He won't always be like this.')
Of course, the hard part is choosing to change a bad mood. While you're in it, it's hard to take constructive action to change things. You don't have to go from desolate to cheerful. Just find a way to help yourself feel slightly better. That empowers you to actually face what's upsetting you, and try to solve it. Sometimes just changing our the way we're thinking about a situation really shifts things. So, instead of 'How can he be nasty to me like that, with all I do for him?!' you might try
'It's normal for children to get angry at their parents. He's struggling right now, and he needs me to try to understand him.'
How to help your child with her moods? Sometime when she's in a good mood, talk with her about strategies for getting into a better mood: what works for her? Share what works for you. Then, when she’s in a bad mood, start by empathizing. After she's had some time to feel her upset, ask her if she wants help to change her mood. Even if she’s able to choose a better mood only one out of ten times initially, she’ll soon start to notice how much better her life works when she does it.
11. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
As parents, we need to remember that we are not the only ones teaching our children about life. They get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell them will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly.
12. Help your child learn the joy of contribution.
Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier too. Our job as parents is to find ways for them to make a positive difference in the world so they can enjoy and learn from this experience.
“Happiness is a by-product of character. In people who are developing a strong character, there is a dramatically higher level of happiness than in those who live to chase after the next good time.” -Pat Holt and Grace Ketterman, MD
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